I used to be thin and full of energy. Now every day I medicate, I’ve gained so much weight, I don’t relate to this body as me. The mirror shows a different face, A shape I never knew before, I turn away, I can’t ignore, There’s nothing left I can rephrase. Don't look at me... I don’t like what you see, Can’t look in the mirror anymore, I’m not who I was before, So please don’t look at me... I’m tired and worn out, And watch life go by, The smallest things gonna make me cry, I feel the pain throughout. It shows in every line of my face, The tension I can’t release, My jaw clenched tight, no sense of peace, I can’t bear what I have to embrace. Don't look at me... I don’t like what you see, Can’t look in the mirror anymore, I’m not who I was before, So please don’t look at me... I hide my eyes, avoid the glass, I feel your gaze before you speak, As if I’m fragile, lost, and weak, Like I’m a shadow as you pass. I hear the words you never say, Too big, too slow, not worth the space, Someone easy to replace, Reduced to less in every way. Don't look at me... I don’t like what you see. But underneath this skin, I'm still the same within, I wish you’d see... The real... me...

Mornings don’t ask how I slept, They just arrive, like they always do. I lace the silence into my breath, And try to pull myself thru. I’ve learned to keep a steady hand, Beneath the calm I do not show, The weight that settles into me, There’s more than most would ever know. It doesn’t loosen when the day is done, It’s there before the next’s begun. All the weight I carry, Doesn’t ask for sympathy. It stays with me in silence, Rests where none can see, It shapes the way I move through days, And lays its quiet claim on me. I’ve grown accustomed to the space, Between what’s asked and what I give. I measure out what I can spare, And leave myself with less to live. It isn’t loud, it isn’t grand, It doesn’t beg or make a plea, But sometimes in the quiet dark, I wonder what is left of me. It doesn’t loosen when I break, It’s there in every choice I make. All the weight I carry, Still doesn’t ask for sympathy. It stays with me in silence, Rests where none can see, It shapes the way I move through days, And decides what’s left of me.

I fall asleep so easily, I disappear into a dream, But my body wakes at night, And pulls me through the seam. I barely reach the other side... Before I’m torn awake. A sudden pain cuts through my sleep, A joint slips loose, I leave the bed, I would really like to sleep, but I have to stretch and pull instead. I climb back into my bed... Still tangled in this ache. I sleep in a dotted line, Broken night, fractured time... Insomnia, I drift and break. I never sleep the whole night through. I’m scattered into thousand pieces, And I don’t know what to do. I fall asleep, tired, broken... And float into a world of dreams. I wake up gasping for my breath, I slept for minutes, so it seems. And suddenly I realize... I woke because my breath got stuck. I sleep in a dotted line, Broken night, fractured time... Insomnia, I drift and break. I never sleep the whole night through. I’m scattered into thousand pieces, And I don’t know what to do. Night after night, I lose the thread, The dotted line runs endlessly, Thoughts keep lingering in my mind, What this insomnia does to me. I try to hold myself together, But I’m running out of luck... I sleep in a dotted line, Broken nights, a fractured mind... Insomnia, I drift and break. Broken nights keep breaking through. I’m scattered into thousand pieces, And I don’t know what to do.

You made space for me like I belonged, Until my presence became too much. I felt it shift before it was mentioned, Like I was somewhat out of touch. I start to fold into myself, like I'm seen as too demanding. I shrink before it turns to silence, Like no one’s really understanding. Why does it feel like I don't belong? Like my rhythm doesn't fit the song. A note allowed… but softly played... A branch that bends… but dares not break... A place within… but slightly frayed... A root that holds… but cannot take. I'd rather leave before I disappear, so you can't hurt me anymore. I hold on to my dignity, I won’t bend like I did before. It is like speaking unheard, You don't see me, you only hear my song. A whispered truth.... A missing word.... It doesn't feel like I belong.

I'm waiting in the waiting room, The space feels much too small. I don't even want to be in here, With my back against the wall. The doctor is making time for me, But his verdict is dead wrong. He thinks I’m making it all up, An act I’ve played too long. "Hush, hush, be patient... Don't ask, don't ask." The clock is ticking loud, while they’re hiding behind their mask. Of 'soon' and 'maybe', and just 'wait for your turn', While the bridge to my freedom, Already starts to burn. I’m waiting for my wheelchair, But I didn’t sign the deal. To them it’s just a paper, But to me it’s all too real. The dust is settling in my room, My world is shrinking every day. I'm calling for a helping hand, But they look the other way. "Hush, hush, be patient... Don't ask, don't ask." The clock is ticking loud, while they’re hiding behind their mask, Of 'soon' and 'maybe', and just 'wait for your turn', While the bridge to my freedom, Already starts to burn. They think I should be patient, But my life is far too short, With all that endless waiting, For the right support. They’re stealing all the golden hours, I should be spending in the sun, Like walking with my dog outside, Before my time is done. I need to hold my children close, And create the things I love, While they rob me of these moments, With a cold and heartless shove. "Hush, hush, be patient... Don't ask, don't ask." The clock is ticking loud, while they’re hiding behind their mask, Of 'soon' and 'maybe', and just 'wait for your turn', While the bridge to my freedom, Already starts to burn. Already starts to burn.

Your gaze so cold and chill, Breaks me with your disdain. As if you’ve lost your will, Leaving my heart in pain. In the silence of the night, I feel your words creep in. The shards you brought take flight, And pierce beneath my skin. Hurtful words fly through the air. They tear my heart apart. I feel a heavy glare. And confusion clouds my heart. Every line is etched with pain, A dagger that cuts so deep. Your voice doesn't seem the same, As if you're trying to retreat. Can you see into my eyes, Do you see the cracks within my soul? With every message cold as ice, I can't stop losing control. Hurtful words fly through the air. They tear my heart apart. I feel a heavy glare. And confusion clouds my heart.

A shadow creeps, without a sound, Words I can't bring myself to say, Sleepless nights, so bitterly bound, My mind screams: "wrong, wrong, wrong!" all day. The images return, again and again, Echoes whisper words so cold. A storm in my mind, it never ends, The past comes back, in every dream I hold. I fight the ghosts that haunt the night, The silence screams a truth so hard. Deep wounds are left, proof of the fight, I still can’t speak, my heart feels scarred. Domestic violence... It doesn't stop, not by itself. Every step feels like a weight, A winding road, too hard to bear. I try to flee, but I’m held in place, Haunted… by the pain that’s always there. To the world, I always seem so strong, But inside, I feel as black as night. No one sees where it goes wrong, I hide the shadows deep inside. I fight the ghosts that haunt the night, The silence screams a truth so hard. Deep wounds are left, proof of the fight, I still can’t speak, my heart feels scarred. Domestic violence... It doesn't stop, not by itself. By day, it all seems so serene. , When evening falls, I find no rest. Deep inside, it feels cold and mean, An inner storm, that won't lie still in my chest. How much longer? In this nightmare? When can I live again? I still hear your screaming there. How could I ever forget that pain? Domestic violence... It doesn't stop, not by itself.

I walk back along old traces, But the street names all are gone. Each window mirrors hidden stories, And that time is dead and done. I chase shadows from the old days, In a city far too wide. Every shopfront is a mirror, Where I lost myself inside. I am lost… Lost in who we used to be, In what I spoke and when I chose to hide. I can’t explain what’s stirring me, Or why this turmoil lives inside. I am lost… Lost and yet I’m staying here, It feels like you’re still just around the bend. I keep the door just slightly clear, As if it still might open in the end. Your coat still hangs there on the hook, You know exactly what I mean. I pour two cups of coffee out of habit, Speak softly to your empty chair unseen. In an old newspaper I read the headlines, Hunting for a face or name I know. But the sentences stay hollow, Only my trembling hands still show. I am lost… Lost in who we used to be, In what I spoke and when I chose to hide. I can’t explain what’s stirring me, Or why this turmoil lives inside. I am lost… Lost and yet I’m staying here, It feels like you’re still just around the bend. I keep the door just slightly clear, As if it still might open in the end. Maybe being lost is only Standing still for far too long, Where everything has moved on slowly, But I stayed when all was gone. Maybe being lost is Not to search but softly know, That some paths just end and falter Right where I refused to go. I am lost… Lost in who we used to be, In what I spoke and when I chose to hide. I can’t explain what’s stirring me, Or why this turmoil lives inside. I am lost… Lost and yet I’m staying here, You're not standing there, I know I keep the door just slightly clear, Even if it never opens, though.

I came to you with little gifts. Again, again, again... Even though I knew it wouldn't work, I had no other plan. You never noticed..... me, The longing deep inside, You turned away from me, You just brushed me aside. As little girl I would share my toy, Or the cookie in my hand. A silent offering of joy, You didn't understand. I held it out with open palms, A hopeful, quiet grace. Caught up inside your private qualms, You looked right past my face. Never... What could have been will never be. Never... The word that hurts the most. I came to you with little gifts. Again, again, again... Even though I knew it wouldn't work, I had no other plan. You never saw..... me, The longing deep inside, You turned away from me, You just brushed me aside. As an older girl I picked flowers, Or baked a cake for you. Through all those quiet hours, You never really knew. I held it out with open palms, In the hope you would see... Caught up inside your private qualms, You never looked at me. Never... What could have been will never be. Never... The word that hurts the most. I brought you tea and breakfast, But you just looked away. The hope I carried passed, With nothing left to say. I became quiet... Remained silent... No longer asked for you. I just stood there in silence, Not knowing what to do. Never... What could have been will never be. Never... The word that hurts the most. Over the years... The gifts would change, But the longing stayed the same.

I feel it… Pulling me in. Quiet… So quiet within. Breathe. Bare. Break. Bend. It would be easy… Not to stay. To slip… To drift... To fade away. I know this place… I’ve been here before. Behind me... Just closed that door. Fade. Fall. Fold. Free. It would be easy... To slip away. To be safe... To hide myself... To go astray. Still within… Still within… I feel it pulling, Under my skin. I could disappear… I could give in… But something in me… Is still within… I see it… it pulls the same. I’ve seen this path… I know the claim. Fade. fall. fold. free. I don’t want… that end for me. to close… to fade… to never be. Still within… Still within… I feel it pulling, Under my skin. I could disappear… I could give in… But something in me… Is still within… Now I choose … Against that tide. I wish no longer… To live inside. Breathe. Bare. Break. Bend. It is harder… To stay and feel. But I choose… To move… To make it real.

I used to censor all my thoughts, Trim the edges, make it neat, Swallow storms and call it calm, Left them unspoken, then retreat. You ask me what I’m feeling now, My first instinct is to hide, But the truth is pounding on my ribs, Begging to confide. So I’ll say it if it hurts. Say it till it scares me. I let the words come out, uncensored.. Ugly.. Bright.. This is me, Unrehearsed.. Eyes weary.. Hands shaking... If it moves me, If it stays with me, I won’t fake it! I won’t fake it! I've nothing more to hide. I want to say what stays with me, The little things that bend my day, The words I never say, out loud. I want to be that scraped and free. Honest words, the naked truth, Not what sounds brave or bold. No feelings to withhold, Even if it's breaking... My image in two. At least it’s real... At least it’s real... I remember every failure, Down to the color of the floor. The way the air felt heavier, Walking out that wooden door. I carry all my questions, Like stones in my coat. I am tired of pretending, They’re not pulling at my throat. I want to say what stays with me, Not what sounds bold or brave, The hopes I always save, for later. I want to be that scraped and free. Honest words, the naked truth, The quiet doubts that bruise me, To set my feelings free, Even if it cracks my careful mask in two. At least it’s real... At least it’s real... I’m done with the practiced shrug, The “yeah I’m fine” routine, Done sanding down the edges, So they fit some old machine. If my hands shake, let them shake.. When my voice trembles, let it tremble... At least it is not fake. I’m going to say what stays with me, Whatever it weighs. The thoughts I’m scared to face, right now. The scars, the passing looks... Will set me free. I’m going to be this raw and free, The naked truth comes out, Not softly, but out loud, Even if it costs the polished version of me. At least it’s real... At least it’s real.

I said the words I need to say, Knew the rules they laid on me. I wore the roles they let me play, But felt the fault in what I’d be. The cracks appeared I could not hide, A quiet shift I couldn’t name. The pressure built up deep inside, I held it back to stay the same. Choose, cut, crash, change. Every step feels like I break. Every move a risk I take. Choose, cut, crash, change. I crossed the line I drew before, No space was left to stand between. I moved through and closed the door, And faced the truth of what I’d been. I felt a shift I couldn’t ignore, The life I knew was not the same. I took a step I feared before, I left it all without shame. Choose, cut, crash, change. All the lines I drew before. Don’t define me anymore. Choose, cut, crash, change. No clear path to guide me on, No safe ground I can defend. Everything I know is gone, Will I break or will I bend? Choose, cut, crash, change. No more fear to hold me in. I won’t go back to where I’ve been. Choose, cut, crash, change..

I've been waiting for the sun to rise, The world is quiet in the morning light. I clear the shadows from my tired eyes, A peaceful end to a long and lonely night. Each mile I walk, I feel the weight, The road keeps stretching out ahead. I try to keep my balance straight, Still thinking of the words unsaid. And I'll keep walking down this dusty road, For miles and miles and miles... Carrying weight, a heavy load. I know I'll find my way back home, I know, I know, I know... No matter how far I roam. The light now falls across my face, I see the path I couldn't see. There’s something steady in my pace, A quiet sense of clarity. I’ve been walking through the doubt, Through every question in my mind. Trying to speak the truth out loud, Leaving all my fears behind. And I'll keep walking down this dusty road, For miles and miles and miles... Bearing less and less of that load. I know I'll find my way back home, I know, I know, I know... No matter how far I roam.

While I know how life can be, I also know there will be light. Finding joy in little things, It will not always be a fight. When the world keeps moving fast, On the rhythm of the beat, You can choose to contemplate, About what you really need. as long as my heartbeat beats... I'm always there for you. See the sunlight through the window, Hear the birds sing their song, feel the breeze through your hair, And you know where you belong. See the butterflies on flowers, Smell the early raindrops’ scent, Feel the grass beneath your feet, And you know your time's well spent. Let's sing a song of life together, To the heartbeats' rhythmic flow. We feel connected to each other, More than words could ever show. On the days my heartbeat slows, When my body does not move along, I think of all these little things, That make my heartbeat strong. as long as my heartbeat beats... I'm always there for you. Move with sunlight on your face, Sing the birds’ sweet songs along, Feel the breeze through your hair, And you know where you belong. Dance with butterflies on flowers, Smell the early raindrops’ scent, Feel the grass beneath your feet, And you know your time's well spent.