This House Was Supposed To Heal Us

[Intro] One... Two... Three! Four!! [Verse 1] I know exactly which churches Hand out groceries on which days I've got the schedule memorized Better than my workweek Stand in line for an hour Trying hard not to make eye contact Because everybody's pretending They ain't here for the exact same shit The volunteers all smile They tell me "Take what you need." I always answer "Thank you." Like that somehow makes it easier to take. [Pre Chorus] Nobody dreams about surviving They dream about living instead [Chorus] Nobody posts the pictures Nobody writes the songs About deciding if the lights stay on Or if the water's gone Nobody celebrates Stretching forty dollars for a week Letting dinner disappear Before you've had a chance to eat If you've never had to choose Which bill gets one more month Congratulations I sincerely hope you don't [Verse 2] The lawn is up to my knees The mower gave up months ago Every day I tell myself Tomorrow somehow I'll know Some kid'll knock Looking for twenty bucks But nobody does that anymore So the grass just keeps growing Until the city tapes a warning To my front door Like... Hell yeah. Another bill That's exactly what I needed. They'll fine a broke man For looking broke Then ask him why He never got ahead [Verse 3] Diapers from E.I.S. Wipes that'll last till Friday Counting every single one Like they're dollars I'm trying to save The kids don't know They're just excited When there's cereal in the house They think Dad skipped dinner Because he wasn't hungry I don't correct them now [Bridge] I don't need pity I need a week Where nothing else breaks Where the car starts Where the rent gets paid Where "emergency" Stops meaning Every single Wednesday [Final Chorus] Nobody brags about surviving Because surviving isn't fun It's keeping everybody else alive Before you think about yourself It's smiling through another birthday Saying "I'm good." When you're not Because your kids deserve One person Who still believes tomorrow's coming And somehow Against every statistic Against every overdue notice Against every shutoff warning Against every empty cabinet Every morning I still get up Still make coffee Still pack lunches Still say "I love you." Like that's a currency Nobody can shut off [Outro] We are still here! We are still here! We are still here! Even when nobody sees us!

[Intro] He loses his mind Every time I come home. I wish I felt that way about myself. [Verse 1] I can't fix the kitchen faucet Can't remember half my plans Talk myself into a panic Over things I understand I've worn the same old hoodie For about a thousand years But when I grab the leash He acts like I've conquered all our fears [Pre-Chorus] I don't know What story he's been told But apparently... I'm the hero! [Chorus] My dog thinks I'm way cooler than I am Like I hung the moon up with my bare hands He doesn't care About my bad days Or every stupid thing I said He just knows I came back home again And... That's enough for him [Verse 2] He doesn't know my failures He doesn't know my past He doesn't know the nights I swore I wasn't built to last He just brings me his toys Like the world still makes good sense Sometimes I think He's the only optimist Left on this planet [Pre-Chorus] Every morning I disappoint myself. Every morning He forgets What a piece of shit I am [Chorus] My dog thinks I'm way cooler than I am Like every walk's a victory parade Every squeaky toy's An ancient treasure Every sunrise Is worth chasing If I could see myself The way he does I'd probably smile more [Bridge] And I know love Isn't earned. It isn't measured In promotions Or paychecks Or perfect decisions. Maybe... Sometimes... Love just runs to the front door Because you're home. [Bridge Build] Who's rescuing who here? [Final Chorus] My dog thinks I'm way cooler than I am Maybe he's onto something Maybe all this time I've been trusting The wrong voice Inside my head If somebody Can love me With that much certainty... Maybe someday I can learn How to do it too. [Outro] Who's a good boy? Who's a gooood boy? Yes, you. Yes, you...

[Intro] "...alright." ... "...yeah." [Verse 1] We solved the problem Twenty minutes ago Now we're just describing The weather Like meteorologists Who accidentally became friends Somebody has to leave first Neither of us volunteers So we keep inventing Tiny conversations Out of absolutely nothing [Pre-Chorus] We've said goodbye Three times already. [Chorus] Alright! Well... Yep! You too! Okay! Sounds good! Drive safe! Talk soon! We've been ending This phone call For the last Seven minutes And for some reason... We're still here. [Verse 2] You say "I'll let you go." I say "No, you're fine." Neither one of us Actually lets anybody go Then somehow We're discussing sandwiches Like this is critical information For the survival Of the species [Pre-Chorus] This isn't a conversation anymore. It's inertia! [Chorus] Alright! Well... Yep! You too! Take care! For real! See ya! Absolutely! We're circling the runway With no intention Of ever landing [Bridge] And... Goodbyes are weird Because they remind us That eventually Everybody hangs up For the last time. Maybe that's why We keep finding One more thing To say. [Bridge Build] ... Anyway... I should probably let you go. [Final Chorus] Alright! Well... Yep! You too! See ya! Love ya! Wait... Did I say that out loud? Alright! Well... Guess I meant it. [Outro] ... ... ... You hang up first.

[Intro] Tomorrow me's got this. ... That's what yesterday me said. [Verse 1] I made a color coded schedule Bought a brand new notebook too Downloaded three productivity apps Like that was something people do I sharpened every pencil Cleaned my desk from wall to wall Then celebrated all my progress By accomplishing... Nothing at all [Pre-Chorus] Present Me Keeps making promises Future Me Never agreed to. [Chorus] I keep losing arguments To my future self! He's got all my responsibilities Stacked up on a shelf! Every brilliant plan I make Gets postponed for "one more day" Turns out Future Me's Been outsourcing Everything To Yesterday! [Verse 2] I keep saying "This'll be different." Like I've uncovered Some grand loophole As if Thursday's A magical creature Instead of Wednesday Wearing another shirt [Pre-Chorus] My to do list Has become Historical fiction! [Chorus] I keep losing arguments To my future self! He's got excuses Alphabetized For my mental health! Every deadline Starts politely Ends with panic anyway Turns out Future Me Inherited Every habit I gave away [Bridge] But Future Me Is just as tired As I am. And I've been Blaming tomorrow For problems That belong to today. Maybe... We're both trying? [Bridge Build] Let's call a truce. [Final Chorus] I keep losing arguments To my future self! But I think He's been waiting For a little help! We'll do one thing Instead of twenty Call that progress Call it enough! Turns out Future Me Was never lazy... He was just Waiting For us. [Outro] Tomorrow... I'll probably listen To this song again. ... That's a problem For Future Me.

[Intro] You didn't lie to me... I just kept interrupting you With my imagination. [Verse 1] I spent six months Writing sequels To conversations we never had Bought the concert tickets Paid for dinner Filled my gas tank Drove across town Just to spend an hour Convincing myself This was going somewhere Turns out... Hope is expensive. [Pre-Chorus] Every red flag Looked like a finish line If I squinted hard enough [Chorus] I mistook potential For personality! Built tomorrow Out of "maybe!" Every warning sign Became a love song Every gut feeling Got outvoted By my heart [Verse 2] You kept canceling plans I kept calling it "bad timing" You kept talking about yourself I called it "being passionate" You treated waiters like shit I called it "a rough day" At some point Denial became A part-time job [Pre-Chorus] You weren't mysterious. I was doing The creative writing. [Chorus] I mistook potential For personality! Confused chemistry With curiosity! Turns out butterflies Can also mean GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS PLACE! [Bridge] You kept showing me Exactly who you were. I kept editing The subtitles. Maybe you deserved To be seen Instead of rewritten. And I damn sure deserved Better than a story I had to keep fixing. [Bridge Build] Love shouldn't require This much fan fiction. [Final Chorus] I mistook potential For personality! That's not your crime! That's on me! I fell in love With tomorrow While ignoring Who's standing Right in front of me! I mistook potential For personality! Next time I'll believe people The first time They tell me Who they are! [Outro] You didn't break my heart. My imagination did. ... Turns out you're kind of An asshole

[Intro] I spent a long time Thinking my brain Was just... tuned wrong. [Verse 1] Everybody handed me albums Like prescriptions with different names "This one's gonna change your life." Most of 'em just changed the drive home I'd nod along Smile at the right parts Wondering if everybody else Had gotten a lyric sheet Life forgot to give me [Pre-Chorus] Maybe I wasn't hard to reach Maybe nobody had my address yet [Chorus] Somebody finally spoke my language Like they'd borrowed half my brain Took a thousand scattered puzzle pieces And somehow gave them names I wasn't looking for a hero Just somebody to explain Why every thought I ever had Arrived stumbling in through the rain [Verse 2] Your words don't feel like writing They feel like excavation Like somebody digging carefully Through decades of hesitation You stack ideas like cathedrals Built from crossword puzzles and sudoku grids Then somehow make impossible rhythms Feel like the safest place to trust Your voice doesn't rap It lands Like thunder rolling down a mountain Or an avalanche That somehow keeps perfect time [Pre-Chorus] The beat walked crooked Never stumbled Neither did you [Chorus] Somebody finally spoke my language Not because you made it simple Because you never asked me To pretend my thoughts were Anything but complicated Somebody finally spoke my language And suddenly I knew Maybe I wasn't lost Just untranslated [Bridge] When you said "All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way..." I didn't hear a lyric. I heard permission. Permission To stop apologizing For the way my mind Puts the world back together. [Bridge Build] Maybe we weren't broken... Maybe we were just waiting For a translator. [Final Chorus] Somebody finally spoke my language And the silence finally cracked Turns out I wasn't bad at listening I just hadn't heard it back Some people save your life Without ever learning your name. But Ian Matthias Bavitz Has walked these crooked roads And somehow learned to sing [Outro] I spent years Thinking my head Was tuned wrong. Turns out... I was just waiting For somebody Who spoke The same language.

[Intro] Breathe in. Hold it. Breathe out... Again. [Verse1] I've gotten a ride to the emergency room twice Convinced I was dying Certain this was finally the night My heart had had enough of me Monitors blinked Doctors nodded And every single time They told me "It's anxiety." Like somehow that was supposed To make it hurt less [Pre-Chorus] I've swallowed the pills I've kept the appointments I've done the homework I still wake up With my pulse already running [Chorus] Then I hear a quiet voice Talking to an empty canvas Like the world has never been In any hurry at all The brush starts dancing My shoulders start falling And somewhere between the horizon I remember How to breathe again [Verse 2] It's funny what saves you Sometimes it isn't medicine Sometimes it's a man Who's been gone for years Still teaching strangers How to make mountains Without ever raising His voice The paintbrush whispers Across the canvas Like it's sanding down Every sharp edge Inside my chest [Pre-Chorus] My heart quits sprinting And my lungs remember They're not my enemy [Chorus] You never knew my name But somehow you still helped me One calm sentence at a time One happy little tree At a time Until the weight Stopped sitting On my ribs My sternum starts to lift [Bridge] I've learned peace Isn't loud. And healing Doesn't always arrive With fireworks Sometimes It sounds like Soft bristles Against a canvas And a man reminding you That mistakes Can become Something beautiful [Bridge Build] One more breath. One more tree. Because everybody needs a friend. [Final Chorus] You never knew my story But you helped me write another song. Every time my heart convinced me It was beating toward the grave You handed me A little patch of quiet In a world That never stops shouting And somehow... It worked better Than any pill Ever did [Outro] My heart slows down. The paint keeps moving. The brush keeps whispering. I can breathe again. He signs it "Ross" Thank you, Bob.

[Verse 1] I bought him cigarettes with the change from the laundromat Taught him all my punchlines, he laughed before I got there He slept behind the mirror where the silver starts to peel And every night he asked me, “So, what are we not gonna feel?” [Pre-Chorus] I said, “Keep your voice down, the neighbors think I’m fine” He said, “That’s the funniest lie you’ve ever called mine” [Chorus] I fed my shadow better than myself Gave him every truth I couldn’t tell Every swallowed apology, every bottle on the shelf I fed my shadow better than myself [Verse 2] He wore my Sunday smile to weddings and funerals Shook hands with all the people who said I looked so well Meanwhile I was downstairs counting cracks in the foundation Trying to remember when pretending became my occupation [Pre-Chorus] I said, “If they see you, they’ll know what I’ve become” He said, “They already do; they just prefer the handsome one” [Chorus] I fed my shadow better than myself Gave him every truth I couldn’t tell Every unsent message, every bruise I never dealt I fed my shadow better than myself [Bridge] I blamed him for the drinking I blamed him for the rage I blamed him for the nights I tore the good things from the page But he was only carrying the weight I wouldn’t claim A mule loaded with my silence, dragging chains engraved with my name [Breakdown] So I opened up the mirror Let the cold light flood the room He stepped out looking younger than the boy I thought I knew And for the first time in years When he asked me what I feared I answered with my own voice instead of handing him the words [Final Chorus] I fed my shadow better than myself Starved the heart and blamed anybody else Now he’s standing in the doorway, healthy as a ringing bell And I’m learning how to feed us both Learning how to feed us both Before one of us disappears.

[Intro] One two three four! [Verse 1] The modem got shut off on a Tuesday afternoon Just a blinking light and a house too quiet I laughed and said I'll be alright Ten days ain't gonna ruin my life I made some coffee Read a little more Walked around the neighborhood Like everybody's always told me to do Then every empty hour grew teeth Every silent room knew my name Turns out I was borrowing strength From people I never met in my life [Pre Chorus] A colored username Some stupid emote A stranger saying hey man That was enough to keep me afloat [Chorus] Here's to every colored screenname I only know through songs and chat Never seen your face before But somehow you all had my back Funny how a thousand miles Can fit inside a glowing screen I thought I was getting stronger But maybe you all were helping me More than I knew More than I'd admit Sometimes community Looks exactly like this [Verse 2] The loudest voice inside my skull Worked overtime without a crowd Every little failure Started reading itself out loud It knows every regret Every embarrassing thing Every iteration of myself I wish I'd never been I kept arguing with thoughts Until I finally understood Distraction wasn't fixing me It was just holding back the flood [Bridge] Maybe healing isn't winning Maybe it's knowing when you're slipping Maybe asking for connection Isn't weakness after all Maybe every stupid meme Every terrible AI song Every late night conversation Was keeping one more light on [Final Chorus] Here's to every colored screenname Every weird musician here Posting songs and laughing Like nobody's carrying despair You probably never knew What your kindness really did You helped make ten impossible days Just survivable enough to live So here's another folk punk anthem Built from busted hearts and broken brains I'm still under construction But at least I finally know If writing this don't fix me Maybe it'll tell the truth Sometimes strangers hold together The parts that are falling through [Outro] One more song One more laugh One more stream I'm finally back Still a mess Still trying Still singing anyway.

[Intro] I still know the sound of your footsteps Even though you're not walking here Funny how an empty hallway Can sound exactly like a prayer [Verse 1] We were two bad ideas With perfect timing Two cigarettes burning On the edge of the same night Everybody told us That the ending was obvious But nobody ever tells you How good the wrong thing feels When it's the only thing That feels like home [Pre Chorus] So I kept your picture Behind a receipt Like something illegal That nobody could see [Chorus] I still carry around A little piece of yesterday Not because I think It's coming back Some things disappear And leave a mark behind Like a song you hate But still know every word And if I look ridiculous Talking to the dark It's because some people leave Without leaving your heart [Verse 2] I heard you're doing better I hope that's true I hope someone loves you The way I couldn't do I hope they don't remember Every little thing The way I still remember Every little thing About you [Bridge] Maybe we were never meant To make it to the morning Maybe we were just a fire That wasn't built for warmth Maybe some people are a lesson Maybe some people are a scar Maybe some people are the reason You still stare up at the stars [Breakdown] AND I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW IT'S OVER BUT MY HEART DIDN'T GET THE FUCKING MESSAGE [Final Chorus] So I keep walking forward With a shadow by my side A memory of every moment That I never got to try I don't need forever I don't need a second chance I just need to admit That I loved you when I had the chance And that's enough, right? Maybe that's the art Of carrying something beautiful That broke your fragile heart [Outro] The matchbook's empty The night is gone But I still know exactly Where the flame was.

[Intro] Somebody pass me the aux cord. I promise I'll give it back... Eventually. [Verse 1] Everybody closed their eyes Like somebody just said "Amen" The room filled up with slow head nods And I checked my phone again I kept waiting for the goosebumps Everybody else had found But all I heard was polished heartbreak With expensive sounding vowels [Pre-Chorus] Maybe my ears got wired backwards Maybe something came unplugged Maybe everybody caught religion While I missed the invitation [Chorus] Everybody hears something I don't Everybody caught the spark I'm standing by the speakers Wondering why they call this art Maybe my heart's assembled different Maybe I'm beyond repair Or maybe every song ain't written For every pair of ears [Verse 2] Thirty-seven writers in a mansion Working overtime on one slow dance Three key changes Seven ad-libs And another whispered second chance... If you bite your lip one more time I'm calling somebody for help Meanwhile I've got banjos screaming Like they built themselves [Pre-Chorus] Maybe smooth just ain't for me Maybe that's alright [Chorus] Everybody hears something I don't Everybody found the light I'm still dancing way too hard To songs that sound like fistfights Everybody hears something I don't And maybe that's okay You dance under chandeliers I'll shout in a VFW [Bridge] Maybe it isn't about better Maybe it never was Maybe music's just a language And this one isn't mine I've spent too many nights Learning harmony From busted voices And cheap beer Instead of candlelight and vocal runs [Bridge Build] Alright... Give me that chorus one more time. [Final Chorus] Everybody hears something I don't Everybody found their song Mine sounds like rusted machinery Trying its best to sing along Everybody hears something I don't And I finally figured out why You've got your slow dances I've got songs that sound like bedlam You've got velvet and candlelight I've got banjos held together with spite Somehow... We're probably both alright. [Outro] Now somebody hand me that beat-up acoustic... This one's got a few more dents left in it.

[Intro] Someone said "This'll be good for everybody." I still wonder If they believe that. [Verse 1] Boxes turned into furniture Furniture turned into routines Routines turned into slammed doors And nobody noticed Exactly when Home stopped feeling Like somewhere you came back to And started feeling Like somewhere you stayed at night [Pre-Chorus] Everybody's tired Everybody's hurting Everybody's right At the top of their lungs [Chorus] I'm sick of adding one more voice To the shouting through these walls This house was supposed to heal us Now it teaches us to fall Every room's another battlefield Every silence feels temporary I don't want to win another argument If this is what winning's worth [Verse 2] I was told it'd all be different That we'd finally catch our breath Instead we're measuring the evenings By who leaves the room first Everybody walks on eggshells Until somebody slips Then the whole damn house remembers Every wound it never fixed [Pre-Chorus] Nobody wakes up Planning on a war But somehow Dinner always finds one [Chorus] I'm sick of adding one more voice To the shouting through these walls Every sentence turns to shrapnel Before it bounces off the walls This house was supposed to heal us Instead it reopened every scar Now we all keep bleeding on each other Wondering how we got this far [Bridge] I don't need somebody to lose I don't need somebody to blame I just want one quiet evening Where nobody leaves Feeling smaller Than when they came [Final Chorus] I'm sick of adding one more voice To this tired old refrain Have we all forgotten What peace sounded like Before we learned each other's pain? This house was supposed to heal us and it probably wanted to... Maybe broken people Just don't know How to stop breaking

[Intro] “ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.” My therapist said I need hobbies Like that’s not how all this started [Verse 1] So I bought a skateboard at Goodwill And immediately ate shit in the parking lot In front of two middle schoolers with broccoli hair Who did not react enough Then I tried learning watercolor But every painting looked like mold Like if depression became sentient And learned about earth tones [Pre-Chorus] And everybody says “Just put yourself out there!” Like I’m a lawn chair Or a missing cat [Chorus] Fuck yeah! Everything’s horrible and I’m alive! I accidentally made it through another night Eating leftover pizza over the sink at 2AM Fuck yeah! My credit score is medically concerning But the sky looked insane this morning And for like eight seconds I actually forgot to hate myself [Verse 2] My upstairs neighbor plays drum & bass From noon until 3AM And instead of calling management I started kinda rooting for him The cashier at the pharmacy Said “see you soon” by accident And we both just stood there silently Like survivors after a disaster movie [Breakdown] Maybe healing is just Collecting enough tiny stupid moments That dying starts sounding inconvenient Or maybe I just don't want to miss GTA6 [Build] And sure Maybe I still wanna disappear sometimes But I also wanna see the new season Of that one garbage show Fallout [Final Chorus] Fuck yeah! Everything’s horrible and I’m alive! The planet’s melting and my brain’s on fire But the food truck guy gave me extra kimchi fries tonight Fuck yeah! Maybe happiness is super temporary Maybe that’s not even a failure necessarily Maybe every tiny good thing doesn’t need a permit [Outro] Tomorrow I’ll probably wake up devastated again FUCK YEAH!

[Intro] I never told my dad What happened At Ronny and Jr.'s house [Verse 1] It was summer The kind that melted bicycles Into the driveway And cooked your bare feet On the blacktop I got bored And walked over To Ronny and Jr.'s house Because that's what kids did Back then You just wandered Until you found somebody Else wandering [Verse 2] We were swimming In the above-ground pool Talking about nothing Doing cannonballs Trying to impress each other The way twelve-year-old boys do Then one of them said Let's see how long You can hold your breath And that sounded normal Right up until It wasn't [Verse 3] I took a deep breath Went under Closed my eyes Counted seconds Like it was a game Above me They were dragging A blue tarp Across the water Planning to scare me Planning to laugh Not planning What happened next [Pre-Chorus] I don't think They meant to kill me I don't think They thought that far ahead They were exceptionally dip-shitty boys [Chorus] I came up for air And the sky was gone Just blue plastic Stuck to my face I couldn't see I couldn't breathe I couldn't tell Which way was out I came up for air And found Something else [Verse 4] I pushed upward The tarp pushed back Water in my nose Panic in my chest Everything got loud And silent At the same time I remember thinking Not in words But in certainty If I stay here I die [Verse 5] So I went back under Without air Because somehow That was the better option I kicked off As hard as I could Across the pool Blind Running out of oxygen Betting everything On finding an edge Before I found nothing [Chorus] I came up choking On half a lung Of pool water Coughing Shaking Trying to remember How breathing worked Ronny and Jr. Looked terrified Because now They understood [Bridge] Nobody yelled Nobody got punished Nobody called my dad Nobody called anybody I sat there For a while Trying to stop shaking Then walked home Like it was A normal afternoon [Breakdown] TWELVE YEARS OLD BLUE TARP NO AIR NO SKY NO PLAN JUST SWIM JUST SWIM JUST SWIM [Final Verse] The weird part isn't That I almost drowned The weird part is How long it took me To realize I almost drowned Because I walked home And never told my dad Never told my brothers Never told anybody For years [Outro] Sometimes I wonder What would've happened If I'd panicked For one second longer Sometimes I wonder Why I never said anything Mostly I'm just glad I made it Home

[Intro] I sold my soul, but the payment bounced. [Verse 1] I showed up at the gates of Hell With a suitcase full of shame And a lifetime subscription To Embarrassing Mistakes Magazine I said, "Hey Satan, buddy, I brought what you requested" He looked through all my baggage And politely rejected He said, "I've seen some monsters I've collected some real trash But this is mostly bad decisions And a coupon for half off dry cleaning" [Chorus] Even the Devil doesn't want me What does that say about my worth? I couldn't even get condemned I couldn't even make the cut I'm too much trouble for Heaven Too annoying for down below The afterlife looked at my resume And said, "Man, we gotta pass, brother" [Verse 2] I tried to sell my regrets online Nobody made an offer Tried to package all my trauma up And call myself a martyr But the reviews all said: "Too depressing" "Would not recommend" "Five stars for honesty" "Zero stars as a friend" [Pre Chorus] I keep waiting for a lightning bolt A sign that I'm important But even divine intervention Keeps leaving me on read [Chorus] Even the Devil doesn't want me Guess I'm too much of a mess He said, "I run eternal suffering Not unpaid emotional debt" I said, "Come on, take my darkness Take my anger, take my doubt" He said, "Buddy, that's your problem You gotta work all that shit out" [Bridge] Maybe I'm not cursed Maybe I'm just tired Maybe every cruel little voice Inside my head is a liar Maybe being broken Doesn't mean you're beyond repair Maybe the first step toward forgiving yourself Is admitting you were there [Final Chorus] So here's to all the disasters Who are still somehow alive The kings and queens of almost quitting Who still get up and try So Satan can keep his throne He can keep his fire and gold Turns out the hardest punishment Was believing what I was told [Outro] I sold my soul The contract tore The check got lost The Devil walked out the door Guess I'm stuck here Being human again What a terrible blessing What a beautiful mess.